Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
