I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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