i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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