you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
