i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
