FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
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well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
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This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize