he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Pants are for mortals
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
