pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
