just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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