can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
