how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
