Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Randomize
