My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
