there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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