I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wish there were birth control emojis
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
