We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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