Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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