thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
