Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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