We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
