plz talk dirty to me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
