i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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