the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
