all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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