I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
