whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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