I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
