We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how do flat chested girls get laid?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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