Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
