What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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