You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
