I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
