Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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