You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
