That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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