i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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