i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
