He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
