I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
