Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
