there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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