hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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