am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
