i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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