I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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