Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
