he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
