weddingsv make me drug and hornr
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just google imaged poop.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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