There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
