i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
