I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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