hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I smell stomach acid.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
