She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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