She's JV to your varsity
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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