So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
