Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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