Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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