I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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