hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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