Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
