she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
