They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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