Your dad touched me again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
