you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
