i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize