My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
