my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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