piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
