I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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