Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Houston, we have a blender
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
