My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
