Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
