just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
