My hand turned me down
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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